![Misunderstood Much? Here Are 4 Ways to Respond When Your Character is Attacked, By Dr. Tony Baron]()
Leadership
Over the past 10 years, I have been honored to explore and debate the essence of power with Dr. Tony Baron. Specifically, how power impacts leadership, how leadership impacts culture, and, ultimately, how culture impacts performance. With a double doctorate in psychology and theology and decades of executive coaching experience with Fortune 100 companies, you can imagine the depth and breadth that Tony adds to the subject.
By: Dr. Tony Baron
Nobody likes to be labeled. And nobody likes to be misunderstood. Given the context of our national dialogue recently, this may be a good time to talk about how to respond, instead of react, when we are misunderstood.
I am not talking about times when there is a lack of clarity in communication. I am talking about when others judge you based on misinformation they have received (or conceived) that results in them questioning your character.
The injustice hurts deeply. But, as leaders, our ultimate responsibility is to not to react, but to respond, by modeling the behavior we would like to see in others. It is a true test of how we use power. Will we use our position to force others to bend to our will? Or, will we use our position to practice the discipline of transformative leadership?
Here are four ways that you can practice transformative leadership and respond, rather than react, when others attack your character:
1. Practice the Discipline of Not Having the Last Word
A transformative leader influences others by modeling appropriate behavior not only in positive situations but also in periods of criticism. When people attack your character, they often want to engage you in a verbal volley. Don’t do it. Transformative leaders have the discipline to not have the last word.
2. Practice the Discipline of Humility
An attack on your character may immediately send you into defense mode. If you have power, you may be tempted to use that power to punish the person who is attacking you. However, a transformative leader must refrain from presuming you can silence another person, and refrain from letting others know how wronged you feel. Humility comes from the word “grounded.” A grounded person reflects deeply to see what truth may be in the midst of falsehoods, what path may be used for reconciliation, and what direction you need to follow.
3. Practice the Discipline of Civility
A transformative leader understands that people who attack their character often betray their own fears and anxieties in the process. When people spew words at you in anger, recognize the pain or anxiety behind their words. Pause to reflect before you engage, then practice the discipline of civility. In Reclaiming Civility in the Public Square, civility is defined as “claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process.”
4. Practice the Discipline of Wisdom
Knowledge is a compilation of things true, maybe true, and definitely not true. Knowledge can lead to pride and a sense of superiority over others. Wisdom, on the other hand, is insight into reality. Reality is the only thing a transformative leader can count on. People of wisdom seek reality – not illusions, innuendos, or ill feelings.
So, to those who feel you have been misunderstood, take courage in the midst of adversity. Seek reconciliation. Practice the discipline of not having the last word, humility, civility, and wisdom.
Question: Have you felt misunderstood recently? Which of these practices might help you respond instead of react?
Dr. Tony Baron is Distinguished Scholar-In-Residence at Center for Executive Excellence and an internationally recognized speaker, writer, corporate consultant, professor and the San Diego Director of Azusa Pacific University Graduate School of Theology.
Dr. Baron is the author of six books, including The Art of Servant Leadership and a workbook manual co-written with noted author and business leader Ken Blanchard. Throughout his career, he has worked with hundreds of companies including Ford Motor Company, Coca-Cola Company, Warner Brothers Studios, and Boeing, among many others.
Leadership
Once or twice a year, a client and I manage to squeeze in a long-overdue lunch. We’re about the same age. We’re both women. We’ve both risen through the ranks and gained a certain amount of leadership credibility in our respective fields.
A conversation we had over lunch a few years ago haunted me for months, because I wasn’t ready with an articulate response to the career dilemma. “Susan,” as I will call her, is positioned to be tapped for a seat among the highest ranking leaders in her organization. She’s a shoo-in to sit among the President’s inner circle. She has more than enough skills and experience to succeed. She has the credibility and popular support to fast track her move. “The problem is,” Susan told me, “I don’t want the job. I’ve seen the compromises that the people at that level make to hold onto their position. I’m not interested in the politics. I can be much more effective by staying in my current role.”
Outside, I gazed at Susan with empathy. Inside, however, I wanted to shake her, and shout, “No! You have the potential to use your influence to reshape the reputation of the inner circle. You can’t just walk away and abdicate your responsibility to break down the barriers!” I kept my mouth shut. Paid the bill. Left Susan to swim in her career tension without advice.
Later, I shared this story with my colleague, leadership author and scholar, Dr. Tony Baron. Tony suggested that leadership success depends on the ability to embrace – not shun – the inherent tensions we feel as we move into higher levels of influence. “When you ignore the tension in your gut,” Tony said, “you compromise integrity. Successful leaders develop a sense of comfort in the tension. They don’t freeze when tension hits. They act. They don’t allow action anxiety to keep them from doing what they know is right, even at personal risk,” Tony added. Here are four ways he noted that successful leaders embrace tension:
1. Think Hamlet. The next time you feel tension about taking action, ask yourself if you’re over-exaggerating the risk. “Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles,” is the tension described by Hamlet in Shakespeare’s play of the same name. When we allow ourselves to indulge in negative fantasies, we give ourselves an iron clad excuse for inaction.
2. Reject the false comfort of agreement. We’ve all been in meetings where a decision is made that we feel is inherently wrong. Yet, we don’t speak up. Why? It’s because of another form of action anxiety when we fear acting contrary to the group. This behavior was addressed by management expert Jerry B. Harvey in his 1974 article “The Abilene Paradox: The Management of Agreement“. When we ignore what we know is sensible at the risk of being ostracized for speaking up, we allow our team to suffer from the false comfort of agreement. (Check out this clip of a video adaptation of The Abilene Paradox.)
3. Indecision as a decision. A large part of a leader’s role is to make tough calls. Sometimes those calls will pay off. Sometimes, they will fall short. Yet, if you have 100% of the information you need to make a decision, you’re not making a decision at all. You’re stating a foregone conclusion. When you make a choice, you put yourself at risk of being wrong. When you indefinitely delay decisions, however, you put your organization at risk of extinction.
Leadership comes with uncertainty. It’s a messy position that requires acts of bravery in the face of fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of risk. But leaders who push past their personal fears for the good of others are those who think of tension not as a threat, but as a tool.
Question: Is your instinct to freeze in the face of tension, or embrace it?
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, subscribe to receive CEE News!
Leadership
Can you feel it in the air? For the past few weeks, everything around us has been changing. The sun is setting earlier. Leaves are changing in color to vibrant reds and deep yellows. There’s no denying that fall is here and winter is just around the corner. As humans, we are hard-wired to accept the inevitability of seasonal changes. Although we can manage extreme weather changes of four seasons a year, why are we so resistant to organizational changes?
If you’re engaged in the effort to set a new direction, orchestrate innovation, or mold a culture, here are six universal truths that can guide you along the way.
1. People don’t resist change. They resist being changed. As management guru Peter Senge suggests, resistance is greatest when change is inflicted on people. If you can give people a chance to offer their input, change is more likely to be met with enthusiasm and commitment.
2. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Big goals can seem overwhelming and cause us to freeze. This simple truth, attributed to Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, is a reminder to get moving. Take the first step, however small it may seem, and the journey is underway.
3. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. Many change efforts fall short because of confusion over the end goal. In the Lewis Carroll classic, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Alice asks the Cheshire cat which road she should take. The cat’s response reminds us to focus on the destination first, then choose the best path.
4. Change is a process, not a decision. It happens all too often. Senior executives make pronouncements about change, and then launch programs that lose steam. Lasting change requires an ongoing commitment to the process reinforced by constant communication, tools, and milestone recognition.
5. Do not declare victory prematurely. In his book, The Heart of Change Field Guide, author Dan Cohen suggests that short-term wins do not necessarily equal long-term success. Cohen writes, “keep urgency up and a feeling of false pride down.”
6. Be the change you wish to see in the world. These famous words attributed to Gandhi reminds us all — executives with associates, political leaders with constituents, or parents with children — that one of our most important tasks is to exemplify the best of what the change is all about.
Any form of change requires an adjustment period, and some are easier than others. Leaders trying to implement changes in the workplace can take heart in these truisms, settle in and enjoy the journey.
Question: Chances are, you’re going through a change effort now. Which of these truths can you apply today to help you succeed?
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, subscribe to receive CEE News!
![Misunderstood Much? Here Are 4 Ways to Respond When Your Character is Attacked, By Dr. Tony Baron]()
Leadership
The top-rated challenge identified in Deloitte’s 2019 Global Human Capital Trends? Learning. People now rate the “opportunity to learn” as among their top reason for taking a job, and business leaders now require continuous, lifelong development to keep up with changes in technology, culture, workforce demographics, and business models.
86% of respondents to Deloitte’s global survey rated learning as important or very important, with only 10% of respondents feeling very ready to address it. If you’re among the many executives faced with incorporating learning and development into your 2020 budget this time of the year, keep calm. We have five new programs built to suit budgets of any size.
1. 5-Frame Coaching™ – One-to-One Executive Coaching
Tell me more. Coaching is the most effective antidote to the distractions and obstacles that take us away from effective leadership. Left to our own devices, we are all inclined to have vague goals and to procrastinate on taking care of ourselves. A personal coach can work with you to create a process to facilitate your ability to deliver accelerated results. 5-Frame Coaching™, developed by our Senior Executive Consultant Michael Coffey, provides the insight needed to address behind-the-desk challenges in an accelerated format. Whether you’re an emerging leader or seasoned executive, you’ll see qualitative and quantitative results in just six months with 5-Frame Coaching™.
How much do I budget? $15,000 for 18 hours of one-on-one coaching delivered in 12, 90-minute sessions over six months, plus expenses
What will I get out of this program?
Establish the Business Case for Coaching • Strengths Deployment Inventory • Portrait of Personal Strengths • Portrait of Overdone Strengths • Multidimensional Portrait of the Style, Strengths, Drives, and Motivational Value System • Individual Coaching Plan Aligned with Organizational Goals • Goal Execution with Progress Reports • Continuous Growth & Reinforcement Plan • Personalized 5 Frame Coaching™ Workbook
Is it worth it? 25 executives across the U.S. coached this year think so. Here’s what they’re saying:
“In a busy, demanding, professional world, I feel fortunate to have Michael in my corner.”
“Calm, levelheaded, insightful and thought-provoking.”
“Pushed me to diagnose the true core of my challenges.”
Download Program Sheet
2. Developing Leadership Excellence – Group Coaching
Tell me more. If you’re not ready to commit to 5-Frame™ Coaching, Developing Leadership Excellence is designed to provide you with the tools and resources needed to clearly identify your motivational value system and personal strengths as well as reveal how your overdone strengths negatively impact your effectiveness. The same suite of assessments used in 5-Frame™ Coaching is used to provide you with high quality, affordable training in leadership excellence, with a remote learning community. You can participate from the convenience of your desk while benefiting from the support of others from around the globe who are learning alongside you.
How much do I budget? $1,500 per participant for 6, 90-minute online sessions once per month
What will I get out of this program?
Gain a deeper understanding of your Motivational Value System • Explore how your strengths are deployed most effectively and how your overdone strengths limit your effectiveness • Understand how your motives change in conflict • Set your intention and strategy moving forward through the 5 Frame Coaching™ Mindset
Download Program Sheet
3. 5-Frame Coaching™: Developing the Manager as Coach (MAC) – Group Workshop
Tell me more. The role and purpose of today’s managers requires a fundamental change – from controlling to coaching. While the world’s workplaces have been going through extraordinary historical change, the practice of management has been stuck in time for more than 30 years. The new workforce – especially younger generations – wants their work to have deep mission and purpose, and they don’t want old-style command-and-control bosses. They want coaches who inspire them, communicate with them frequently and develop their strengths.
The MAC program gives you the skills, practice, and reinforcement to align the unique contribution of individuals on your team with your organization’s strategic business goals. By improving your coaching skills, you can foster skill development, impart knowledge, and impart values and behaviors that will help your team achieve your organizational goals and prepare them for more challenging assignments in the future.
How much do I budget? $2,250 per participant, plus expenses, for 2-day workshop, plus 5 Reinforcement Videos
What will I get out of this program?
4 Modules: Foundation for Coaching, Coaching Skill Development, Leading a Coaching Session, and Establishing Yourself as a Coaching Manager • Practical Skills Training Using the 5-Frame Coaching™ Mindset • Collaborative Feedback-Rich Learning • Coaching Trios Skills Practice • MAC Toolkit • Acrylic Desk 5-Frame Coaching™ Mindset Model • 5 Reinforcement Videos
Download Program Sheet
4. Triple-Loop Learning Leadership Development – Enterprise Program
Tell me more. Successful companies of the 21st century create a robust, repeatable process for managing their talent. They do more than offer leadership training as a loose series of stand-alone programs with fuzzy ROI. Instead, they develop a holistic model that couples training with coaching in an environment the provides context, practice and reinforcement. Our Triple-Loop Learning Leadership Development program is a robust model based on the premise that organizations are systems of interacting elements: roles, responsibilities, and relationships defined by organizational structure, leadership styles, professional and cultural backgrounds, as well as processes, policies and procedures. If your talent development system is not integrated, it will not support and sustain individual behavior changes.
How much do I budget? $115,100 for a 12-month embedded program that includes quarterly full-day training reinforced by monthly small group coaching, further reinforced by monthly one-on-one coaching using the 5-Frame Coaching™ model, plus expenses
What will I get out of this program? 5 quarterly full-day training sessions to gain hindsight; 12 monthly, 90-minute small group team coaching to facilitate catalytic conversations to gain insight; 12 monthly 60-minute individual coaching sessions to gain foresight.
Topics covered include:
Strategy & Vision • Execution • Human Capital • Operations • Capstone and Celebration of Results
Download Program Sheet
5. Re:Imagine Leadership Summit – One-Day Conference
Tell me more. Not ready to commit to any of the above? Join us for our annual Re:Imagine Leadership Summit – a one-day leadership retreat crafted to give you a fresh perspective, valuable community and actionable tools to help grow yourself and your team. Dive into the newest research, connect through “collabs”, and enjoy award-winning food in a 5-star setting! Because your team needs a leader who can cut through the clutter and assess reality correctly.
How much do I budget? Just $300 if you act before December 31, 2019. Still only $350 after January 1st.
What will I get out of this program? Just ask past attendees. “I picked up several ideas that I could quickly integrate into my thinking and into programs,” “Profound new ways to perform as a leader,” “A wonderful investment in my development, both personally and professionally.”
Whether you need one-on-one coaching, are budgeting for an enterprise leadership development program, or want to spend a day with participants who come from around the world to reimagine leadership together we’ll make sure you’re prepared to face the challenges of 2020 and beyond.
Download Program Sheet
Question: Will your 2020 budget include an investment in training and development?
Download all 5 program service sheets here or by clicking on the icon below:
Leadership
HBO’s new drama, Succession, about an aging media tycoon’s struggle with turning over stewardship of his empire is part Rupert Murdoch case study and part King Lear. The CEO-cum-founder’s inability to pass the reins is an all too common leadership transition facing today’s enterprises.
I recently met for an initial coaching session with the Founder/CEO of a mental healthcare provider based in the U.K. and his successor-in-waiting who was the newly appointed COO. I had been coaching the CEO for over a year and knew that he was passionate about preserving the culture he had worked so hard to build since launching the agency 12 years ago. I also knew that he had no board of directors to help guide the transition, making the need to get him comfortable with truly letting go all the more tenuous. Over the course of our meeting, I facilitated a discussion between the CEO and COO around two thematic areas: context and trust.
CONTEXT
1. The origin story.
The CEO had grown up in Zimbabwe. He had watched his beloved grandmother slowly deteriorate from dementia. The family did their best to meet her needs, but her young grandson felt that his family should have had access to trained mental healthcare clinicians to respectfully support her as she declined. As soon as he graduated from high school, he set about righting that wrong. He moved to England and earned a license to practice mental healthcare. But the agencies that he worked for fell far short of his expectations. So, he started his own agency ingrained with the passion to provide mental health services through staff who would treat every patient as if caring for his or her own grandmother.
I asked the COO to share her version of the agency’s origin story and how the story may have resonated with her personally and professionally. Her version of the story was spot on, and she went on to share how she had a very similar experience as a child with her own “nan”. We discussed the importance of using the origin story as a basis for shifting the culture from founder-led to founder-inspired.
2. The values.
I then asked the COO to list the agency’s core values and her understanding of how those values played out in practice. She listed each of the three values — family, quality and honesty — and shared her discussions with staff about what the values look like in action. She noted that honesty was the most difficult for the team to define. I invited the CEO to share why honesty was included in the values list to give the COO the framework needed to develop a working definition with the staff.
3. The growth story.
Pivoting to the CEO, I asked him to highlight the business decisions he had made over the company’s 12-year history to scale the agency. I wanted the COO to grasp his risk tolerance, learn who he had leaned on to make big decisions, and discuss the opportunities and challenges he felt would impact the agency’s ability to sustain its growth. After he shared the highlights, I suggested that the two of them carve out time to review the growth story again. I recommended focusing on the 2016 decision to diversify, whether that decision was yielding the forecasted return, and, if so, what kind of attention the new business units needed to thrive.
4. The sacred cows.
Next, I explored the amount of discretion that the COO had to take action. Could she fire an employee for performance or cause with impunity, or were some team members safe from being fired? Could she challenge assumptions about the processes, places and products/services, or were there bounds that she needed to be aware of? The CEO’s initial response was vague. “If I am satisfied that she has taken the time to build relationships with each employee,” he said, “I am okay with her taking action at her discretion.” I recommended that he take time to consider the question more deeply and provide a more objective response when he had more clarity.
TRUST
Under the theme of trust, I recommended that the pair work together to get clear about the following:
Division of duties/power. What does success look like, and when will the CEO shift from coaching to mentoring the COO?
Division of loyalties. How will the COO respond when employees say that the CEO would not agree with her decisions/suggestions/statements?
Division of access. How will the CEO respond when employees try to end run around the COO?
If you’ve ever experienced a thriving founder-led company you’ll know that the person who started it has a special and unique relationship with the company. It runs much deeper than their formal CEO job title and responsibilities. Stepping into the role of a Founder/CEO is not a discrete event. It’s a process that requires repeated discussions to clarify and codify expectations, build trust, and confidently pass the baton.
Question: How would you give up control of a thriving organization you built from the ground up?
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, subscribe to receive CEE News!
Leadership
During the 3 minutes it will take you to read this post, you’ll probably get an email, a text, a social media update or a missed call. Let 30 minutes pass, and you could be swimming in unanswered inbounds. A steady diet of requests for your attention – both electronically and in-the-flesh – can leave you overwhelmed and intellectually and emotionally undernourished. You cannot lead effectively when your plate is full, but your cup is empty.
As a leader, you have a responsibility to create a culture of performance. Research shows that your ability to do so will require you to carve out your most precious resource – time – for yourself to reflect. In his March 2013 Harvard Business Review article, JP Morgan Managing Director Chris Lowney suggests that leaders need to take a mental pit stop. As a former Jesuit seminarian, Lowney recalls that St. Ignatias of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, recommended a practice known as “examen.” Simply put, it’s the concept of examining your day and taking stock.
Before you move onto your next thing to do, make a commitment to yourself to refuel by practicing the 3 G’s for daily reflection. Find a notebook and select a time and place each day to “examen,” as follows:
Practice Gratitude. A 2013 survey of 2,000 Americans by the John Templeton Foundation found that people are less likely to feel gratitude about work than anyplace else. In fact, respondents tended to rank their jobs as dead last when asked to list the things they were grateful for. Yet, studies have shown that people who make a habit of recording what they are grateful for have more positive emotions, feel better physically and mentally, and feel more connected to others as a result. What or who at work are you grateful for?
Give Your Reserve. When your tank is low, the last thing you may think about is, “what can I do to help someone else?” But, research confirms that the warm glow you feel after giving someone else a boost can be mapped to neural hedonic activity (aka stimulate pleasure systems in the brain). So, pay for the coffee of the next person in line. Call someone who needs it. Take the neighbor’s garbage cans in. It will give them something to be grateful for, and give yourself a lift as well. What little thing could you give today?
Extend Grace. There’s a saying that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Remember when your colleague cut you off in mid-sentence today when you were trying to make that point about the new project? Drop it. Whether she did it to undermine you or because she was caught up in the brainstorm, it’s over. She’s not burning up thinking about it. While you’re at it, give yourself some grace too. If you’re still punishing yourself for a mistake you made with the best of intentions, let it go. Who can you stop keeping score on?
You’re taking in more information today than you ever have before. Make time for yourself to turn that information into knowledge, and that knowledge into insight.
Question: What do you do when your plate is full but your cup is empty?
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, subscribe to receive CEE News!
