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Holidays. They really are the best of times and the worst of times.
The end-of-year holidays are certainly a happy time for most of us, but the stress of the season puts many of us on such an edge that we wish it would all just go away. A recent article published in The Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Institute Letter confirms that the stress you may be feeling this time of year actually causes your brain to function differently.
According to Dr. Ellen Braaten, Director of the Learning and Intelligence Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, “Because the holiday season often requires us to keep track of and pay attention to a greater number of responsibilities than usual, the brain’s prefrontal cortex goes into overdrive. Over time, a high level of demand can decrease memory, halt production of new brain cells, and cause existing brain cells to die.”
This pile-on to an already overloaded calendar can make it difficult to focus on completing even the simplest of tasks. Stress overload can cause us to want to just give up trying to accomplish anything and mainline eggnog until New Year’s Day. Fortunately, there are three simple techniques you can use to rewire your brain when you’re feeling stressed – any time of the year.
1. Practice Gratitude. Don’t let scarce resources distract you from what you already have that brings you joy. Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, ranging from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Dr. Robert A. Emmons, a leading gratitude researcher at University of California, Davis, has found that gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, ranging from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. From just saying a heartfelt “thank you” to someone who makes your day easier, to downloading a gratitude app, mindfully practicing gratitude is a good first step to beating stress.
2. Be a Giver. We all know that giving helps others. Whether we volunteer, offer emotional support to those around us, or donate to charities. But studies show that giving is also good for the giver – boosting physical and mental health. When researchers from the National Institutes of Health looked at the functional MRIs of subjects who gave to various charities, they found that giving stimulates the mesolimbic pathway, which is the reward center in the brain — releasing endorphins and creating what is known as the “helper’s high.” You don’t have to drain your bank account to be a giver. Chances are, you already know someone who could benefit directly from your time, talent, or treasure. Just think about what giving did for Scrooge!
3. Extend Grace. When we experience stress, the slightest thing can set us off. Coffee spilled on the drive to work. Ugly sweater party email chains. People who run late for your meeting. If you allow these small things to pile up, they can trigger what Emotional Intelligence author Daniel Goleman refers to as an “amygdala hijack.” Don’t let your body run on a cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol. Instead, let go of the little things that annoy you – about yourself and others – and extend grace. Grace goes further than ignoring or forgiving. It’s an attitude that expresses our dignity and affirms the dignity of those around us. Grace allows us to rise above conflict, and helps to establish calm in the swirl of chaos.
This three-part strategy requires minimal time and effort. Gratitude, giving, and grace can be highly effective when used in combination. When practiced mindfully over time, you’ll have the ability to thwart stress overload any time of the year.
Question: What techniques have you practiced to beat stress overload?
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, subscribe to receive CEE News!
People
Picture this. The CEO needs to make a decision about a cost-saving measure, and has turned to your team for advice. In support of the initiative to go paperless, she wants to eliminate either pens or pencils from use by employees across the organization. The program will be considered a success if it is rolled out in 30 days from today, 100% of employees have converted from the legacy writing instrument, and employee morale does not drop.
As ridiculous as this initiative may sound, the scenario sounds all too familiar. Teams are often given limited time, little supporting data, and high expectations to make decisions that will have enterprise-wide impact.
What is also familiar is that teams are working on several other initiatives with compressed due dates. When the topic of pens versus pencils comes up on the team meeting agenda, only one member of the team has a strong position. Let’s call him the Advocate. The Advocate has studied the issue, has prior experience with a successful rollout of a similar initiative, and has drafted a plan to share with the team.
When the issue is brought up at a meeting, the team members are scattered in focus, and don’t practice the listening skills that would take advantage of the Advocate’s expertise and passion. Instead, they fall into four types of listeners: Ignore, Volley, Judge, and Apply.
Ignore. The Ignorer must attend the meeting, but obviously has other issues pressing for his attention. He’s buried in his phone, but throws out occasional comments like “Uh huh” or “Wait. What are we talking about?” from time to time. His guiding statement is, “You’re not important to me right now.”
Volley. This person doesn’t really agree or disagree with the Advocate about this issue, but wants to be a part of the conversation to get his own remarks on record. He’s preparing his comeback while the Advocate is talking, and interrupts in mid-sentence. His guiding statement is, “You think that’s right/wrong, I can top that.”
Judge. She strongly disagrees with the Advocate about this issue. She’s constantly fact-checking, and making assumptions and conclusions before she hears out the Advocate. Her guiding statement is, “Here’s your problem.”
Apply. This person considers the Advocate a subject matter expert and is here to learn, but not ask clarifying questions or offer feedback. She pays close attention as she downloads information from the Advocate and her other teammates. Her guiding statement is, “What can I take away and keep myself safe?”
Scenarios like this play out all too often. The ability for teams to share information, and make decisions gets bogged down by the inability to listen. Instead, we accept unproductive listening behavior. We let Ignoring, Volleying, Judging, and Applying pass for listening. But to truly hear one another productively, we must practice listening with empathy, as follows:
Empathize. Team members don’t initially agree or disagree with the Advocate, but are present to the Advocate’s words and, more importantly, are open to being changed by what is said. They give their full attention to the Advocate’s words and body language. They stay curious, make an emotional connection, and forget their own agenda. Their guiding statement is, “What are you experiencing?”
Listening with empathy takes practice. It requires being fully present to the thoughts and feelings of others, setting aside our ego, and being open to information that may change our paradigm about an issue. As you go through your workday, take note of how many of the five levels of listening take place among your team members, and how your team would benefit by practicing listening with empathy.
Question: Which of the five levels of listening do you hear in your team meetings?
Download our 5 Levels of Listening free resource. Ask yourself which of these 5 levels of Listening are you participating in. If you find yourself regularly falling into the Ignoring, Volleying, Judging, or Applying levels of listening, take some time to remember the prescription for that level, so that you can become a more Empathetic listener.
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, subscribe to receive CEE News!
![Being Misunderstood: 4 Ways to Respond Instead of React, By Dr. Tony Baron]()
Leadership
Over the past 10 years, I have been honored to explore and debate the essence of power with Dr. Tony Baron. Specifically, how power impacts leadership, how leadership impacts culture, and, ultimately, how culture impacts performance. With a double doctorate in psychology and theology and decades of executive coaching experience with Fortune 100 companies, you can imagine the depth and breadth that Tony adds to the subject.
By: Dr. Tony Baron
Nobody likes to be labeled. And nobody likes to be misunderstood. Given the context of our national dialogue recently, this may be a good time to talk about how to respond, instead of react, when we are misunderstood.
I am not talking about times when there is a lack of clarity in communication. I am talking about when others judge you based on misinformation they have received (or conceived) that results in them questioning your character.
The injustice hurts deeply. But, as leaders, our ultimate responsibility is to not to react, but to respond by modeling the behavior we would like to see in others. It is a true test of how we use power. Will we use our position to force others to bend to our will? Or, will we use our position to practice the discipline of transformative leadership?
Here are four ways that you can practice transformative leadership and respond, rather than react, when others attack your character:
1. Practice the Discipline of Not Having the Last Word
A transformative leader influences others by modeling appropriate behavior not only in positive situations but also in periods of criticism. When people attack your character, they often want to engage you in a verbal volley. Don’t do it. Transformative leaders have the discipline to not have the last word.
2. Practice the Discipline of Humility
An attack on your character may immediately send you into defense mode. If you have power, you may be tempted to use that power to punish the person who is attacking you. However, a transformative leader must refrain from presuming you can silence another person, and refrain from letting others know how wronged you feel. Humility comes from the word “grounded.” A grounded person reflects deeply to see what truth may be in the midst of falsehoods, what path may be used for reconciliation, and what direction you need to follow.
3. Practice the Discipline of Civility
A transformative leader understands that people who attack their character often betray their own fears and anxieties in the process. When people spew words at you in anger, recognize the pain or anxiety behind their words. Pause to reflect before you engage, then practice the discipline of civility. In Reclaiming Civility in the Public Square, civility is defined as “claiming and caring for one’s identity, needs, and beliefs without degrading someone else’s in the process.”
4. Practice the Discipline of Wisdom
Knowledge is a compilation of things true, maybe true, and definitely not true. Knowledge can lead to pride and a sense of superiority over others. Wisdom, on the other hand, is insight into reality. Reality is the only thing a transformative leader can count on. People of wisdom seek reality – not illusions, innuendos, or ill feelings.
So, to those who feel you have been misunderstood, take courage in the midst of adversity. Seek reconciliation. Practice the discipline of not having the last word, humility, civility, and wisdom.
Question: Have you felt misunderstood recently? Which of these practices might help you respond instead of react?
Dr. Tony Baron is Distinguished Scholar-In-Residence at Center for Executive Excellence and an internationally recognized speaker, writer, corporate consultant, professor and the San Diego Director of Azusa Pacific University Graduate School of Theology.
Dr. Baron is the author of six books, including The Art of Servant Leadership and a workbook manual co-written with noted author and business leader Ken Blanchard. Throughout his career, he has worked with hundreds of companies including Ford Motor Company, Coca-Cola Company, Warner Brothers Studios, and Boeing, among many others.
Driven by the premise that excellence is the result of aligning people, purpose and performance, Center for Executive Excellence facilitates training in leading self, leading teams and leading organizations. To learn more, visit us today at www.executiveexcellence.com or subscribe to receive CEE News!
Letter from the Founder
Welcome to the thirty-ninth issue of CEE News!
Our team is already busy planning next year’s Re:Imagine Leadership Summit. As we looked back at feedback from attendees of past year’s summits, two themes emerged: 1) the desire to spend more time with other attendees; and 2) the desire to deep dive into the content.
So, here’s what we’re working on. Divide the day into two sections, both focused on leadership. The morning will be dedicated to self-leadership because you simply cannot be an effective leader without understanding how your own wiring impacts your ability to assess reality correctly. We’re going to look at neuroscience and talk about the impact of power on the brain. We’ll talk about triggers –
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Business In Focus
A closer look at companies executing leadership excellence
A law firm in Cleveland, Ohio, is probably not the first organization you think of when you imagine winners of awards for organizational culture. Yet, under the leadership of managing partner Joel Rathbone, the Rathbone Group has been recognized by The Cleveland Plain Dealer and organizers of the Smart Culture Awards for one of the city’s Top Workplaces awards. The secret to the firm’s culture success lies partially in its unique workweek structure. Beginning with Management Monday,
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